The Real Charlie

On The Road Again

So I have early morning meetings three days this week, which means driving to work (my employer pays the ridiculous parking charges) instead of the train. Today I drove in, and the only good things were listening to the radio (I need to get an iPod to drown out the cellphone conversations of my fellow passengers on the train) and getting to chit chat with Roxanne on the way to nursery school. I missed relaxing on the train, reading my paper, looking at the big buildings as I walk to work from the train station, spying on my fellow passengers, etc. Someday my train will be un-air conditioned, or a hour late coming home, and I'll curse it six ways to Tuesday, but for now, I have to say it is working out OK. The job in general is awesome - busy, stimulating and incredibly varied. I stayed late tonight, and was happy to do so.

MascotMatcher(TM) 2008

This is the 17th anniversary of the first run of MascotMatcher™, the system that uses mascot vs. mascot combat modeling to predict the victors of the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament. I have skipped years here and there, but I am excited to present it on The Real Charlie this year. Thanks as always to Adam  for getting me rolling on this each year.

EAST

Play In Game: Coppin St. Eagles vs. Mount St. Mary’s Mountaineers: Birds against armed hillbillies? Back to the nest, chirpie. Mountaineers.

UNC Tar Heels vs. Mount St. Mary’s Mountaineers: Your alpenstocks will do you no good against, um, gooey asphalt? Tar Heels.

Indiana Hoosiers vs. Arkansas Razorbacks: The sharp-spined pigs will slash away at whatever Hoosiers are. Razorbacks.

Notre Dame Fighting Irish vs. George Mason Patriots: I saw enough angry drunks on my way home from work on Monday to know how tough the sons of Erin can be. Salute your flag and go home, Georgie’s boys. Fighting Irish.

Washington St. Cougars vs. Winthrop Eagles: Mammals usually beat birds. Cougars.

Oklahoma Sooners vs. St. Joseph’s Hawks: Again, I have to go against the birds. Just think about the feather mites! Sooners.

Louisville Cardinals vs. Boise St. Broncos: What is it with all of these birds? I mean, their bones are hollow, you know. Broncos.

Butler Bulldogs vs. So. Alabama Jaguars: Wild cats over little pugs. Jaguars.

Tennessee Volunteers vs. American Eagles: Oh come on, that name is just cliché. Volunteers.

MIDWEST

Kansas Jayhawks vs. Portland St. Vikings: The Norsemen will live up to their merciless reputation. Vikings.

UNLV Runnin Rebels vs. Kent St. Golden Flashes: The rebs will run home to their mommies, and Kent St. will, um, expose themselves? Golden Flashes.

Clemson Tigers vs. Villanova Wildcats: I hate feline on feline combat, but I usually pick specific over general, so: Tigers.

Vanderbilt Commodores vs. Siena Saints: The ancient PCs will send these saints marchin’ out. Next year, how about upgrading to the Amigas? Commodores.

USC Trojans vs. Kansas St. Wildcats: Latex won’t be enough to protect USC from nature raw in tooth and claw. Wildcats.

Wisconsin Badgers vs. CSU Fullerton Titans: Rodents never stand a chance against demigods! Titans.

Gonzaga Bulldogs vs. Davidson Wildcats: The eternal battles of cats vs. dogs, and wild vs. domestic. Wildcats.

Georgetown Hoyas vs. UMBC Retrievers: Fetch me my slippers, you dogs are done. Hoyas.

SOUTH

Memphis Tigers vs. Texas Arlington Mavericks: Why do people even bother against wild animals? Tigers.

Miss. St. Bulldogs vs. Oregon Ducks: Quack, quack, quack. These dogs at least have a chance against a bunch of waddlers. Bulldogs.

Michigan St. Spartans vs. Temple Owls: Whooo will lose? More birds disappear in a puff of feathers. Spartans.

Pittsburgh Panthers vs. Oral Roberts Golden Eagles: Again with the birds. Also: Oral? Panthers.

Marquette Golden Eagles vs. Kentucky Wildcats: This is tiresome. Come on, only New Zealand was the Land of Birds, and look how that turned out? See any Moas lately? Wildcats.

Stanford Cardinal vs. Cornell Big Red: I am breaking form to pick Cornell, because my father went there, and other wise this basically a battle of colors, and I don’t have a good chewing gum joke. Big Red.

Miami Hurricanes vs. St. Mary’s Gaels: Forces of nature are almost unbeatable. Hurricanes.

Texas Longhorns vs. Austin Peay Governors: We all recently learned about what happens when governors get too horny. Longhorns.

WEST

UCLA Bruins vs. Miss. Valley St. Delta Devils: The old basic rule of MascotMatcher ™ was always to go with Satan. Now, we’re for the Lord, or at least da bears. Bruins.

BYU Cougars vs. Texas A&M Aggies: Knee length shorts or not, these cats will be buried by the sons of the soil. Aggies.

Drake Bulldogs vs. West Kentucky Hilltoppers: Back to your stills and your cousin-wives. Woof! Bulldogs.

UConn Huskies vs. San Diego Toreros: They may fight bulls, but against these fierce dogs from the Nutmeg State, they will use their capes as crying towels. Huskies.

Purdue Boilermakers vs. Baylor Bears: Hard to beat a good stiff drink. Boilermakers.

Xavier Musketeers vs. Georgia Bulldogs: It is also hard to beat men with guns. Musketeers.

West Virginia Mountaineers vs. Arizona Wildcats: Once you’ve beaten black lung, some feral kitties are easy prey. Mountaineers.

Duke Blue Devils vs. Belmont Bruins: See above. Bears, Satan, blah, blah, blah. Bruins.

Beginning

So the new job is off to a good start. I like my new boss a lot, the commuter rail is working out fine so far, my assistant is cool and I have a great office. My workload is heavy but very interesting and varied. Tomorrow is my first "drive in" day and features a big meeting at 8 AM with some heavy hitters. On Tuesday I meet The Lawyers, which is a sort of vaguely big deal. My main problem is that the free "house coffee" stinks, and I am having to pay up each morning to keep fully fueled. Now I remember why, during my previous tenure with this organization, I brought a thermos most days.

Also, a big kiss to my darling Abby, who opened a show on Friday night at Artstream in Rochester, New Hampshire. Check out her post, with links, here. I love the picture, too. It captures Abby very well. The show is going great thus far, and I remain far prouder of all three of "my girls" than I do of my own meager and pathetic accomplishments.

Ending

On Friday at around 4:15 my assistant quietly came into my office. My bosses had said goodbye and left, and I had no more papers on my normally cluttered and stacked up desk, no more files to review, no more emails to answer. At 3:30 I had called my indispensable outside legal counsel for the last time, to tell him what cases I had left in the hands of my colleagues, and the consultant who will cover for me for a while. I had thrown out my chewed up Bic Clicks and put my well worn and much feared green editing pencil in my briefcase. I was looking at the weather for the weekend on the web. "You know," she said "you could leave early today. It's your last day." I hemmed but said okay, I could tell the staff were eager to see me go so they could leave, too. I looked over the desk one last time, shut down my computer, put on my coat and hat. I turned off the lights, and stood for a second, looking at the dark, empty room where I had worked for five and a half years. I went out and said goodbye, a few people hugged me, most shook my hand. I took my ID card and my code card off my lanyard and gave them to my assistant.

I took the elevator downstairs and stopped by security to give them my parking pass. As I went out to the car, a hearse was arriving, hurrying to pick up a deceased resident before Shabbos. I had worked there for exactly five and a half years to the day, in a nursing home building where 200 very old, very sick people die a year, and I had never seen the hearse before. A solemn young man in a black overcoat hopped out with the special brown folder that I know is used only to pick up death certificates. As I drove away for the last time, I saw the hearse backing up to the unmarked back door that leads to the morgue.

Tomorrow I will take the 7:25 train downtown and start a new adventure. Ground Rule #2 remains in effect, but I'll let you know how it goes.